'Wait Wait' Best Of The Decade

Jan 4, 2020
Originally published on January 4, 2020 10:02 am

At the outset of 2020, we look back on some of our favorite moments from the last 10 years. You'll hear:

Panelist Faith Salie ruins the first Not My Job questions for cookbook author Mark Bittman.

The singer Jewel reveals a secret benefactor.

Ryan Dempster, pitcher with the Chicago Cubs when they won the 2016 World Series, has at least one other talent.

Chance the Rapper reflects on his early years in Chicago.

A Seaworthy McVessel

India Fart Contest

Menage A Mouse

Lay Lady Lays

Singer Mavis Staples brings us up-to-date on her awards and love life.

Fashion icon Tim Gunn tells his remarkable Vivian Vance story.

Limericks: Office Bud, Cottontail Haze, Wacky Road

Tom Hanks regrets hosting.

Stephen Colbert is Lena Dunham.

Copyright 2020 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. Hey, reset your clocks. It's a new Bill-ennium (ph).

(CHEERING)

KURTIS: I'm Bill Kurtis. And here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. So...

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: It is a new year, but it's not just that. It's a new decade, the 2020s. We were supposed to have a sea lab by now. There should be colonies on Mars. Instead, all we've managed to invent is Slankets.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But before we get disappointed in the decade to come, we decided to go over why the last decade, the 2010s, were actually not so bad. We asked our staff and you, our listeners, to name your favorite moments from the last 10 years of our show.

KURTIS: Amazingly, we found enough stuff to fill a whole hour.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: I was prepared to fill the last half hour by humming patriotic music. Doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo (ph)...

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: ...Doo doo doo doo.

SAGAL: Thank you, Bill. We will start with a Not My Job game with cookbook author Mark Bittman from 2013. My plan was to ask him three questions about the superhero Batman, but Faith Salie got in the way.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED NPR BROADCAST)

SAGAL: Well, Mark Bittman, we're delighted to talk to you. We've asked you here to play a game we're calling...

CARL KASELL: Holy Bittman, Batman.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So we're sure this happens to you a lot with a name like Bittman - being mistaken for the Caped Crusader, the world's greatest detective, the Dark Knight. So we're going to ask you three questions about Batman - specifically, the movie "Batman And Robin." That was the one with George Clooney as Batman, and it is widely regarded as the very worst...

FAITH SALIE: Is that the one...

SAGAL: ...Of all the modern Batman films.

SALIE: Is that the one where Batman had nipples?

SAGAL: That is the one.

MARK BITTMAN: That answers the first question.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I am never inviting you back, Faith. Answer...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Answer two questions correctly, and you'll win our prize...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Answer two questions correctly, and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, Carl's voice on their voicemail. Carl, who is Mark Bittman playing for?

KASELL: Mark is playing for Leanna Malkowski of Colorado Springs, Colo.

SAGAL: So the movie was horrifically panned by the critics when it came out. But one of the things that got fans especially angry was what? Was it, A, Batman is shown sleeping while hanging upside down; B, sexy Catwoman was replaced by a character called Crazy Cat Lady; or C, nipples on the bat suits?

(LAUGHTER)

BITTMAN: Guess I'll take a flyer with C.

SAGAL: You would be correct.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Don't know how you could have known that, but yes.

In September of 2013, we talked to the singer Jewel, who told us how she managed to get out of her hometown of Homer, Alaska, and start her career thanks to the generosity of a particular person - somebody we happened to have right there.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED NPR BROADCAST)

SAGAL: Bringing you forward a little bit in time, you're 15 years old. You're living by yourself in a unheated cabin near Homer, Alaska. You're commuting to work by horse, which I love.

JEWEL: Or hitchhiking, yeah.

SAGAL: Were there horse jams on the way into downtown Homer?

(LAUGHTER)

JEWEL: There were not, but the drive thru was interesting...

SAGAL: I can imagine.

JEWEL: ...At McDonald's, yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And you get an invitation to apply to Interlochen, the famous art school in Michigan. And, well, tell me what happened next.

JEWEL: I was given a partial scholarship, and I needed to raise about $10,000, which I wasn't able to come up with. And so a bunch of the women in town and a bunch of my aunts helped me organize my first solo concert. I hadn't written any songs yet, but I did Cole Porter songs. And a lot of local businesses donated items, and we auctioned them off. And I made quite a bit of money, but I was still short. And Mr. Tom Bodett helped. He made sure I got off to school, and he helped write a check, and he sent me off. Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So I just want to clarify because I love this. So you're, like - you're 15 years old. You're living by yourself. You have no money. Here is your chance to go to art school. And after the concert, you were still short how much money?

JEWEL: Well, this is getting quite personal.

SAGAL: Well...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now, in the book, you say that Tom Bodett, who you call Homer's resident celebrity, wrote you a check for $5,000.

JEWEL: Oh, I forgot I put it in there. So yeah, sorry about that, Tom.

(LAUGHTER)

TOM BODETT: No, that's...

SAGAL: Wait a minute. You were getting all shy about information that I only knew because you wrote it in your book.

BODETT: Right.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Well, Jewel, hi, by the way.

JEWEL: Hi, Tom.

BODETT: It's been a long time. And thank you so much for remembering that. But it's funny. I remembered it as $500.

(LAUGHTER)

JEWEL: Maybe it was. It seemed...

BODETT: But...

JEWEL: ...Like $5,000 in the end.

BODETT: I like your version better. But I also seem to recall that your Aunt Sharon (ph) was my bookkeeper at the time.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: And I've just got to wonder now if I said, Sharon, why don't you write Jewel a check for $500, and then...

(LAUGHTER)

JEWEL: I always loved that Aunt Sharon.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODETT: Yeah, she was always very good to you - me, too.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

KURTIS: In 2016, the Chicago Cubs won their first World Series in a century.

(CHEERING)

KURTIS: And shortly after that, the Cubs pitcher Ryan Dempster joined us at Millennium Park in downtown Chicago.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED NPR BROADCAST)

SAGAL: We are told that you do a pretty good Harry Caray impersonation.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: I should say before we go on that Harry Caray was the legendary sportscaster for both the White Sox and for the Cubs here in Chicago.

RYAN DEMPSTER: I loved Harry Caray. He was, like, one of the first broadcasters growing up in a small town outside of Vancouver that - we would get Cubs games on WGN, and so I just loved him - the fact that he could talk for an entire inning, and it meant nothing about baseball, was...

SAGAL: Yeah.

DEMPSTER: ...Just to me incredible.

(LAUGHTER)

DEMPSTER: So I always like to - Pat Hughes, who is now the radio voice for the Chicago Cubs - yes.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: Beloved figure around here.

DEMPSTER: Absolutely. And he told me a great story one time - was he said they were driving to the field together. They were carpooling down. And Harry was doing about 90 on the Edens. He was flying to the field. And he got pulled over. And Pat's like, oh, you're in trouble, Harry. He says, (imitating Harry Caray), hey, pal, I'm a broadcaster for the Cubs. I'm never in trouble, all right?

(LAUGHTER)

DEMPSTER: (Imitating Harry Caray) I'm a - you watch this. I'll get out of this ticket no problem.

(LAUGHTER)

DEMPSTER: So the police officer shows up. He pulls up to the car. And he - you know, he says, can I get your license, your registration? Harry says, (imitating Harry Caray) you know, officer, I would give you that, but this is a stolen car.

(LAUGHTER)

DEMPSTER: So he says, sir, you mind getting out of the vehicle? At this point, he kind of starts to sense something's going on. He says, is there anything else you want to tell me? He says, (imitating Harry Caray) to be honest with you, I've got a loaded gun in the glove compartment.

(LAUGHTER)

DEMPSTER: But he says, all right, sir. He's, like, you know, come on out here. He gets him out of the car, and he says, is there anything else? I'm going to call my partner in here. Is there anything else you want to tell me? He's, like, (imitating Harry Caray), you know, if we're going to get right down to it, officer, I've got a dead body in the trunk, and I've got a...

(LAUGHTER)

DEMPSTER: ...Little bit of a timeline here.

(LAUGHTER)

DEMPSTER: So now they've got Harry and Pat, and they're over by the car and the trunk of the car, and this cop's going through the car. And then, all of a sudden, his partner comes up to him. He says, Hey, Mr. Caray, can I talk to you? Then he says, (imitating Harry Caray) what is it, officer? He says, well, my partner said that you said this was a stolen car. It's registered to you.

(LAUGHTER)

DEMPSTER: He said you have a loaded gun in the glove compartment. There's nothing in there but insurance papers. And he said you have a dead body in the trunk, and all you have in there is golf clubs. And he looks the cop in the eye. He says, (imitating Harry Caray) let me guess - that son of a [expletive] was going to tell you I was speeding, too.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: It was just a few years earlier, also in Millennium Park, when we interviewed a local hip-hop artist who seemed to have a pretty bright future. So, Chance the Rapper, you're welcome.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED NPR BROADCAST)

CHANCE THE RAPPER: Great to be with you.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: Yeah. Great to have you.

CHANCE THE RAPPER: Thank you.

SAGAL: So you're a Chicago guy. You grew up on the South Side.

CHANCE THE RAPPER: Yes, sir.

SAGAL: Yes. And not - and you haven't been growing up for very long. You're only about - what, you're 23?

CHANCE THE RAPPER: I'm 22.

SAGAL: Twenty-two.

CHANCE THE RAPPER: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SAGAL: Yeah.

CHANCE THE RAPPER: I'm a young guy.

SAGAL: You are.

CHANCE THE RAPPER: Yeah.

SAGAL: And this is the story we heard, which is that you've been performing since you were a kid, right?

CHANCE THE RAPPER: Yeah. I started out doing talent shows and open mic programs and youth programs around the city. And yeah, I've been doing it for a while now.

SAGAL: We heard you - at one point, you did a fine Michael Jackson impersonation.

CHANCE THE RAPPER: Wow. That's crazy. That's deep. Yeah, I did do that at...

(LAUGHTER)

CHANCE THE RAPPER: ...At my kindergarten graduation. I...

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

CHANCE THE RAPPER: So less than 20 years ago...

SAGAL: Yeah.

CHANCE THE RAPPER: ...But yeah, pretty recent.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So - but the thing - the story we heard is that if you have an origin story like a superhero, it's that you were thrown out of school for a little while when you were in high school.

DEMPSTER: Yeah.

SAGAL: And you took some time. And you - what did you do?

CHANCE THE RAPPER: Yeah. So when I was a senior in high school, I got suspended for having marijuana around the school. It wasn't even really in the school, I just - yeah.

(CHEERING)

CHANCE THE RAPPER: I got in trouble for this - for having marijuana - and I was suspended from school. And so on that 10-day break, I started recording a project called "10 Day," which was my debut project and put a lot of people onto what I was doing.

SAGAL: Yeah. And...

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: My understanding is you put that on the Internet. You worked on it for a while, put it on the Internet when it was ready, and it kind of took off.

CHANCE THE RAPPER: Yeah.

SAGAL: You started making your name very quickly.

CHANCE THE RAPPER: It did a lot for me, yeah.

SAGAL: So you're touring in hip-hop shows. You've put out some albums that have done tremendously well. You're headlining festivals. What would you say now if he or she were here - to the principal of the high school who suspended you?

CHANCE THE RAPPER: Well, there's a strong chance that they're here because this is an NPR show.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: If they're not here, they're listening.

CHANCE THE RAPPER: No, I'd probably say thank you. Shouts out to them for all the inspiration.

SAGAL: Throwing you out of school.

SALIE: Hey...

SAGAL: So - go ahead.

SALIE: Chance, how do you actually compose a rap? Are you so talented that rhymes just come to you? Or - I would have to sit down with a rhyming dictionary and work for days.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: But how does it come to you?

CHANCE THE RAPPER: That's a great question. I think there's a lot of premeditation, if you will, to making a rap. You know, you've got to sit down, focus on your breathing. You know, you want to do a good workout, push-ups, maybe sit-ups, play cards...

(LAUGHTER)

CHANCE THE RAPPER: ...Think about your taxes, think about all...

(LAUGHTER)

CHANCE THE RAPPER: ...The people that you've met, you know, in this life and possibly a past life, if you believe in that. And then, you know, you take off your socks and shoes, put a pencil between your toes, and you start writing. And you've got...

(CHEERING)

MO ROCCA: Oh, my God.

CHANCE THE RAPPER: ...A masterpiece.

ROCCA: I should write that down.

CHANCE THE RAPPER: It's a lot of stuff, so you should definitely write that down.

SAGAL: But you understand that whatever you say about this, everybody here will believe you.

CHANCE THE RAPPER: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They'll be going home, and it's, like, wow...

ROCCA: Yeah.

SAGAL: I heard the most amazing thing about this hip-hop. They write it with their feet.

CHANCE THE RAPPER: Yeah.

SAGAL: Did you know that?

ROCCA: Would you please give it to me straight? I'm 46. Is it too late for me to become a rapper?

(LAUGHTER)

CHANCE THE RAPPER: No, I don't think so. Some people might say it's too soon for you to become a rapper. You know what I'm saying?

(SOUNDBITE OF DONNIE TRUMPET AND THE SOCIAL EXPERIMENT SONG, "SUNDAY CANDY")

SAGAL: When we come back, more about the private lives of mice than you ever wanted to know and Bob Dylan in a bag. That's in a minute on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME from NPR.

KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis, and here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Peter Sagal.

SAGAL: Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: So Bill and I are reviewing what many of you and some of us think were the highlights of the 2010s on our show.

KURTIS: My personal highlights of the decade will have to remain secret. But suffice to say, you're welcome, Your Majesty.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Nothing dominated the decade like the Internet did - the place where we ended up shopping, dating, and, as it turned out, picking presidents. But trusting the wisdom of crowds didn't always work out, as we saw in this story from March 2016.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED NPR BROADCAST)

SAGAL: Luke, the British National Environmental Research Council decided to let the public pick a name for its new research vessel via an Internet poll.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And the people chose, in their wisdom - in our wisdom - chose what name?

LUKE BURBANK: This is why we can't have nice things.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: This is why - because people will name things Boaty McBoatface.

SAGAL: Boaty McBoatface.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: They were hoping for a great and noble name from British history, like the RMS Shackleton or the RMS Benny Hill. But no...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The Internet has spoken. The vessel shall henceforth be Boaty McBoatface.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You may laugh - and you will - but think of the crew who has to serve.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Aye, she's a good ship. There she sits - Boaty McBoatface.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Aye, she is yar.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And there is nobody more stern and commanding, right, than a British naval captain. And can you imagine that poor guy?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hail to the ship. This is Cptn. Allen (ph) of Her Majesty's vessel, Boaty McBoatface.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: I like that...

SAGAL: Wipe that smile off your face and prepare to be boarded.

ROY BLOUNT JR: How did that work? Did lots of people come up with that name independently?

SAGAL: No, one guy...

BLOUNT: One guy.

SAGAL: ...Who has apologized, came up with it. And everybody said, that's the name.

BLOUNT: All right.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: You know that when it's time to christen the ship, they're going to have to do it with, like, a Capri Sun...

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: ...Bounce it off the (unintelligible).

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

SAGAL: In September of 2019, we asked Roy Blount, himself an award-winning sports writer, about a competition in India.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED NPR BROADCAST)

SAGAL: Roy, a competition in India ended in failure when none of the registered entrants could complete the task that they were supposed to be judged on. What was that task?

BLOUNT: In India.

SAGAL: In India.

BLOUNT: Well. A competition - not necessarily a sporting...

SAGAL: No.

BLOUNT: No. But it was a contest.

SAGAL: Yeah. It was a competition of who could do something best. But it turns out nobody was able to do it. Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: Does it have anything to do with the fact that it was in India?

SAGAL: No...

BLOUNT: No.

SAGAL: ...Except for the fact that - except for the fact in India, they do eat a lot of legumes. That probably had something to do with it.

BLOUNT: Legumes.

SAGAL: Yes.

BLOUNT: Well, none of them could pronounce legume.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: I bet Bill can say legume, so...

KURTIS: Legume.

BLOUNT: Oh.

(APPLAUSE)

BLOUNT: No.

ADAM BURKE: That sounded...

BLOUNT: Some people ran out.

BURKE: That sounded quite Jerry Lewis the way you did that - legume.

BLOUNT: Eating - it had to do with eating.

SAGAL: Not eating.

BLOUNT: Why else do you do with legumes?

SAGAL: Well, they're - I'll give you a hint. If they had been able to succeed, they would've been judged on length, loudness, musicality and blaming of the...

BLOUNT: Oh, of course - legumes.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: Oh, yeah.

SAGAL: Now you've got it.

BLOUNT: Legumes, legumes - good for the heart.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: The more you eat, the more you...

SAGAL: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: I don't want to say it on the radio.

SAGAL: In a competition...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...That is literally the opposite of the MacArthur Genius Awards...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Organizers had even developed a proprietary device to measure competitors', quote, "fart parameters."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But no contestant - no contestant - could produce even one entry on stage.

BLOUNT: Really?

SAGAL: And, of course, it's one area where you don't want to push too hard to do it because...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Then it becomes an entirely different kind of competition.

BLOUNT: Oh, yeah.

SAGAL: Now, while the failure was a disappointment for everyone in the auditorium, it was a great relief for everyone in the auditorium.

(LAUGHTER)

ADAM FELBER: So wait. So over here, I'm just another guy. But in India, I'm...

SAGAL: You could be a champion.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Roy was also the panelist we asked a question to in November 2014 about a very strange experiment with mice.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED NPR BROADCAST)

SAGAL: Roy, scientists reported this week on an interesting memory experiment in which they were able to use a laser to replace bad memories in mice with good memories...

BLOUNT: And mice have lots of bad memories.

SAGAL: Oh, they do.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now, put that aside because...

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Remember the time...

SAGAL: ...But how the laser...

UNIDENTIFIED PANELIST: I can't go back there, man.

(LAUGHTER)

UNIDENTIFIED PANELIST: It was like I was trapped in a maze.

(LAUGHTER)

UNIDENTIFIED PANELIST: Right turn, left turn, right turn, left turn. Oh, my God. Where's my cheese?

(LAUGHTER)

UNIDENTIFIED PANELIST: Just give me the cheese.

POUNDSTONE: (Imitating Mickey Mouse) Minnie just kept badgering me and badgering me and badgering me.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now, what I want you to do is I want you to forget about - the bit about changing good memories into bad with the laser. We don't know what that was about. Maybe it'll be useful someday. But we were interested in is how - because they needed to do this experiment, they needed to give the mice a bad memory, which they did with electric shock. But they needed to also create a good memory for the mouse...

BLOUNT: Yeah.

SAGAL: ...To conduct these experiments. And they gave each of the male mice what?

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: A memory of a - you know, a female mouse.

SAGAL: Well, not a memory - well, they did, but not just - well, I'll give you a hint.

BLOUNT: Oh.

SAGAL: It's sort of like a mice-age (ph) a trois.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: Two - a memory of doing it with two female mice?

SAGAL: Yeah. They basically...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They basically - in order to give these mice good memories that they could then experiment with, they gave the mice threesomes.

BLOUNT: Woah.

SAGAL: Wow.

(LAUGHTER)

UNIDENTIFIED PANELIST: (Imitating Mickey Mouse) It's always been a fantasy of mine.

(LAUGHTER)

UNIDENTIFIED PANELIST: (Imitating Mickey Mouse) I've never said it out loud. It's like these guys know me.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So with - humanity is, like...

POUNDSTONE: (Imitating Mickey Mouse) I'll be right back.

SAGAL: ...Is, like, the scientists are sitting around, right? And they're thinking about what would give a mouse a good memory. And just, you know, as one of the scientists was about to say, well, we could go with cheese, another scientist shouts out, threesome.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: Yeah.

SAGAL: Threesome.

BLOUNT: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: One scientist said, how about fishing with their dad?

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: And the mice all said, no, no, no, no.

SAGAL: No, no, no, no. Listen to the first guy. Listen to the first guy.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: Well, what's the bad memory? Do we know?

POUNDSTONE: The bad memory was being on a wheel while the guy with a threesome was in the other tank.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Trying to get over there to join...

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

SAGAL: And you don't get anywhere.

POUNDSTONE: (Imitating mouse wheel). (Imitating Mickey Mouse) I feel like I'm getting closer. (Imitating mouse wheel).

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: In June of 2017, we asked Paula Poundstone about a brand-new snack food - sort of - in China. Whatever it was, of course, it got her mad.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED NPR BROADCAST)

SAGAL: Paula, in China, shoppers can now purchase potato chip bags that contain what?

POUNDSTONE: Well, the obvious answer, Peter.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Potato chips.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Can you give me a hint?

SAGAL: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: I hate to ask for it, but...

SAGAL: Brands include Lay's Lady Lay's...

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: I love that song.

SAGAL: That's a good one.

SALIE: (Singing) Lay's Lady Lay's.

POUNDSTONE: ...It include Eric Clapton?

SAGAL: Eric Clapton?

POUNDSTONE: Eric Clapton is inside...

SAGAL: No.

POUNDSTONE: ...The potato chip bag?

SAGAL: No. First of all, it's not Eric Clapton.

SALIE: Who is it?

SAGAL: You're thinking of "Layla."

SALIE: Who is it?

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: No, Lay, Lady, Lay...

SAGAL: Here's another hint.

POUNDSTONE: Lay across my big brass bed.

SALIE: Yeah. Who is that?

SAGAL: That - who is that? It's not Eric Clapton.

SALIE: Who is it?

POUNDSTONE: Oh, is it...

SAGAL: Bob Dylan?

POUNDSTONE: Bob Dylan's in a potato chip bag?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I know...

POUNDSTONE: Like that makes any more sense than Eric Clapton being in...

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: ...A potato chip bag.

SALIE: In China.

SAGAL: It's not Bob Dylan. It is a book of his lyrics.

POUNDSTONE: A book of his lyrics come in a potato chip bag?

SAGAL: Yes, they do.

POUNDSTONE: You know, I think our level of respect for Bob Dylan is just not where it should be.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, to the untrained eye, these look like bags of Bob Dylan-flavored potato chips - which, by the way, is indistinguishable...

SALIE: Ew.

SAGAL: ...From salt and vinegar.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What it is is it's a booklet of his lyrics inside the little potato chip bag.

POUNDSTONE: It's inside a potato chip bag.

SAGAL: Yeah. Bob Dylan becomes only the second Nobel laureate to have his work sold in snack bags, along with Gabriel Garcia Flamin' Hot Cheetos.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Are these, like...

POUNDSTONE: None of this makes any sense.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, this - it actually does because somebody said...

POUNDSTONE: It doesn't.

SAGAL: Why are...

POUNDSTONE: No, it doesn't.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Why are you selling...

POUNDSTONE: Somebody...

SAGAL: ...Books of Bob Dylan lyrics inside potato chip bags with a picture of Bob Dylan on the front?

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

SAGAL: And they said, well, we thought about what people really like, and people really like potato chips.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Who's the...

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Potato chips are pretty good.

POUNDSTONE: Who's the we when you say...

SALIE: You...

POUNDSTONE: ...We thought of them?

SAGAL: The company...

SALIE: I can't...

SAGAL: ...Decided that they would like to sell booklets of Bob Dylan lyrics to the good people of China.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

SAGAL: He is the Nobel Prize winner in literature.

SALIE: Oh, I thought the story started with the potato chip people who were, like, how do we spice this up?

SAGAL: No, no, no.

SALIE: But when you tell it to me that way, I get it.

SAGAL: Yeah, it's, like, why not?

POUNDSTONE: Oh, no.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: This is - I feel like I'm in a nightmare right now.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: You take something you want to sell, and then...

POUNDSTONE: And you put...

SALIE: ...You put something delicious with it.

POUNDSTONE: This makes no sense at all.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Starting from the very beginning of the show, when Peter said, we're watching a bad thing happen, and there's nothing we can do about it...

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: We can do something about it. This is America. And we don't get our Bob Dylan from a potato chip bag.

(SOUNDBITE OF BOB DYLAN SONG, "LAY LADY LAY")

SAGAL: In February 2017, we had a reunion with one of our favorite guests from the prior decade, the soul great Mavis Staples.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED NPR BROADCAST)

SAGAL: So this amazes me, Mavis, but the last time you were on our show was about eight years ago.

MAVIS STAPLES: Yes, it was.

SAGAL: So what you been up to since then? Anything interesting?

STAPLES: Oh, my.

STAPLES: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well...

STAPLES: I've been doing a lot of things, Peter...

SAGAL: Yeah.

STAPLES: ...Thanks to you.

SAGAL: Yeah, we started you off.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'm trying to think of all the things that's happened, so let's see. You toured with Wilco...

STAPLES: Yes.

SAGAL: ...A great Chicago band.

STAPLES: Yes. Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And was it Arcade Fire?

STAPLES: Arcade Fire.

SAGAL: Wow.

(APPLAUSE)

STAPLES: Yes.

SAGAL: So you were there in the middle of it in the '60s musical explosion. We all know that - we all - as we talked about last time, you and Bob Dylan had a little bit of a thing.

STAPLES: Oh, God.

SAGAL: Oh, God.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: How have we been talking about anything that isn't that?

SAGAL: Well, we...

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: He proposed to her.

SAGAL: We covered that a little bit.

STAPLES: Yes, we did.

SAGAL: Yeah, last time she was here. So my question is, how are things different now, touring around with Arcade Fire and Wilco and everything else you've been doing than it was back then?

STAPLES: It's keeping me younger, really...

SAGAL: Sure.

STAPLES: ...Hanging out with these younger people.

SAGAL: Yeah.

STAPLES: But you didn't mention Dylan.

SAGAL: No.

STAPLES: You didn't know that I toured with Dylan, did you?

SAGAL: Oh, I didn't know that. You also toured with Dylan.

STAPLES: Six weeks.

SAGAL: Oh, my gosh.

STAPLES: Six weeks.

SAGAL: You and Dylan.

STAPLES: Yes, indeed.

SAGAL: And how was that?

STAPLES: Oh, it was great.

SAGAL: Now, let me say...

STAPLES: This time, I proposed to him.

SAGAL: Did you really?

STAPLES: Yeah (laughter).

(APPLAUSE)

BURBANK: Did you...

SAGAL: How'd that go? Did you - tell me what you - how do you propose to Bob Dylan?

STAPLES: Well, first thing I said, oh, Bobby, I feel I've been wanting to see you. I've been missing you. Well, if you'd married me, you could've seen me every day.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oh. He's bitter. Is he still bitter about it?

STAPLES: Oh, he was mad. I said, don't treat me like that. Why are you taking that tone of voice? But he meant it.

SAGAL: Yeah.

STAPLES: He meant it.

SALIE: Aw.

BURBANK: Is it possible that when he proposed to you, Mavis, you just didn't understand what he was saying?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That'd be really funny. He's like, Mavis, (unintelligible).

(LAUGHTER)

STAPLES: Yeah. But he made it really clear, you know?

SAGAL: Yeah.

STAPLES: I understand where you're coming from.

SAGAL: So we're about, oh, I don't know, 50 years from - on from that. Was the magic between you still there?

STAPLES: Yeah.

SAGAL: Yeah.

SALIE: Aw.

STAPLES: (Laughter) You know, someone knocked on my door in the dressing room. Someone wants to see you. And I knew who it was. And I felt like I knew who it was.

SAGAL: Sure.

STAPLES: And here he comes. And he has these sunglasses on. I can see myself in them...

SAGAL: Yeah.

STAPLES: ...Because it's a mirror, you know? And his hoodie - had on a hoodie...

SAGAL: He's wearing a hoodie?

STAPLES: He's wearing a hoodie.

SAGAL: So he's wearing a hoodie and, like, mirrored sunglasses?

STAPLES: Right.

SAGAL: So he looks like the Unabomber. He walks in...

(LAUGHTER)

STAPLES: I think he meant to scare me.

SAGAL: Yeah, OK.

STAPLES: You know?

SAGAL: So all right. So wait a minute. So in walks Dylan. And he says...

STAPLES: I said, hey. And after that, that line he gave me about if you'd married me, you could have seen me every day...

SAGAL: Yeah.

STAPLES: I told him - I said, well, let's get married now.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's called calling a bluff.

STAPLES: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

STAPLES: I really didn't want to hear the answer - you know, if it was going to be OK.

SAGAL: Yeah.

STAPLES: You know? But he told me no. No.

(LAUGHTER)

STAPLES: He turned me down.

SAGAL: Did he really?

STAPLES: He turned me down.

SAGAL: Yeah.

STAPLES: I said, OK, if that's the way you want it, Bob. Maybe you're thinking that we're too old. When you - I wouldn't marry you, I was telling you we were too young.

SAGAL: Yeah.

STAPLES: And so it might be that the tables have turned. We're too old now.

SAGAL: Yeah.

STAPLES: No, it's not that. It's not that. I'm already married. I said, oh, my God.

SAGAL: Is he really?

STAPLES: Yeah, he married.

SAGAL: Is he now?

STAPLES: I'd have to wait until he got divorced.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: From what I know, you might want to give him a call after the show from...

ROXANNE ROBERTS: Mavis.

STAPLES: Yes, ma'am?

ROBERTS: One thing that's different from eight years is you've got a Kennedy Center Honor. So tell me...

STAPLES: I do.

SAGAL: Yeah.

ROBERTS: ...About that. Tell me about that.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: This is - I just want to say, this is, of course, the big annual event they have at the Kennedy Center. The president always comes. President Obama...

STAPLES: Yes.

SAGAL: ...Was there, right?

STAPLES: Yes, and I was sitting right with them...

SAGAL: Yeah.

STAPLES: ...In the balcony. I was sitting right next to Michelle.

SAGAL: Yeah.

STAPLES: And it was so exciting. It was so - you know, I had been there several times. Those Kennedy Center Honors - that is one of the best...

SAGAL: Sure.

STAPLES: ...Shows you can, you know...

SAGAL: Yeah.

STAPLES: And I sang for Bob - not Bob Dylan (laughter).

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

STAPLES: See what you did?

SAGAL: I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He's always on your mind.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: You sang for Paul McCartney.

STAPLES: Paul McCartney. That's - I was trying to think of Paul McCartney, and I came up with Bob.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But...

SAGAL: Did he propose?

STAPLES: No. No, no, no.

(LAUGHTER)

STAPLES: No. Paul McCartney, he was already - I'm unlucky these days. The guys are all married.

SAGAL: That's a shame.

(LAUGHTER)

STAPLES: You know, but no. It was just such an honor to be honored at the Kennedy Center, you know, because we met President Kennedy. We did his inauguration.

SAGAL: Oh, yeah, of course.

STAPLES: Yeah.

SAGAL: The Staples family singers.

STAPLES: The - my family - and when they said the Kennedy Center Honors, I said, somebody pinch me. Am I really being honored by the Kennedy Center Honors? That's the - one of the best, greatest honors you can get.

SAGAL: Yeah.

STAPLES: I have so many. But this particular one, I tell you, it just floored me...

SAGAL: Sure.

STAPLES: ...Just made me feel like I was on cloud nine.

SAGAL: Sure. And not only that, but the Staple Singers was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Is that not true?

STAPLES: Yes, in 1999.

SAGAL: There you go.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: There was a book about you and The Staple Singers by Greg Kot from here in Chicago.

STAPLES: Right.

SAGAL: There is a documentary about you on HBO.

STAPLES: Yes.

SAGAL: You've got - what else? What other worlds are left to conquer...

STAPLES: I'm just...

SAGAL: ...For Mavis Staples?

STAPLES: Oh, man. Peter, I'm just happening.

SAGAL: You are.

(SOUNDBITE OF MAVIS STAPLES SONG, "EYES ON THE PRIZE")

SAGAL: Coming up, the greatest story about Lucy Ricardo's landlady ever told, never-before-heard outtakes from guest host Tom Hanks. And Stephen Colbert pretends to be Lena Dunham. That's when we come back with more WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME from NPR.

KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. And here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Peter Sagal.

SAGAL: Thank you, Bill.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks, everybody. So we don't want to see the 2010s just thrown out with the trash. Well, actually, we do. But not before we highlight some of our and your favorite moments from the last 10 years.

KURTIS: Now, one of my personal favorites happened during a visit with style maven Tim Gunn onstage at the Brooklyn Academy of Music. We had been chatting about fashion and "Project Runway" when Mo Rocca interrupted with a request.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED NPR BROADCAST)

ROCCA: I don't mean to send us on a digression. But since you brought up "I Love Lucy," you do have the single best Vivian Vance story ever.

TIM GUNN: Oh, I do.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: If you would like to tell your Vivian Vance story, who am I to stand in your way?

(LAUGHTER)

GUNN: All right.

SAGAL: Vivian Vance played Ethel...

ROCCA: Yes.

GUNN: Yes.

SAGAL: ...On "I Love Lucy."

GUNN: My father was a career FBI agent - 26 years. And he was - well, he was an agent. But he ended up being J. Edgar Hoover's ghostwriter, speechwriter - took care of all the correspondence. And his office was two doors down from Mr. Hoover's office. And growing up, my sister and I loved the FBI tour.

SAGAL: Sure.

GUNN: And this one particular year, I was 9 or 10. And my sister was, therefore, 6 or 7. And my father said, you kids are going to be so excited. Vivian Vance is in Mr Hoover's office. And I was a huge "I Love Lucy" fan. And would you like to meet her? Well, yes. Of course. So we did. And it was lovely. And she was charming.

Years later, my father's in a nursing home with Alzheimer's disease. He's not at the Thanksgiving table our family has gathered. And all these rumors are out about Hoover being a cross-dresser.

SAGAL: Yes.

GUNN: So I was reflecting upon that time in his office with Vivian Vance.

(GASPING, LAUGHTER)

GUNN: And I turned to my sister and I said, upon reflection - I know it was years and years ago - doesn't it strike you as odd that Hoover wasn't in the office?

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

ROCCA: Wow.

JESSI KLEIN: Wow.

ROCCA: My question is...

PETER GROSZ: So it's not a Vivian Vance story.

GUNN: No.

ROCCA: How was J. Edgar Hoover as Vivian Van dressed - which is really what matters?

GUNN: A stunning house dress.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: If that's the look he wanted, he got a good one.

SAGAL: If that's the look he wanted...

(LAUGHTER)

GUNN: But I have to tell you this, too...

GROSZ: Wow.

SAGAL: Please.

GUNN: I wrote about this in one of my books, "Gunn's Golden Rules." It was published by a division of Simon & Schuster. The Simon & Schuster legal team went to task on that book. They spent two weeks with it. And they contacted Vivian Vance's two biographers - neither of whom knew anything about this visit to the FBI. And then they went to the FBI to look at their visitor logs - no Vivian Vance.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: That is...

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

SAGAL: We had 10 years of limericks during the 2010s. That's three weeks, four times a month, 12 months a year. That's a lot of limericks. And it seems like about half of them were about one subject. Here's a small sample.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED NPR BROADCAST)

SAGAL: Hi. You're on WAIT, WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

BENNETT MOON: Hello. How do you do? This is Bennett Moon coming out of Athens, Ga., by way of Columbia, Tenn.

SAGAL: Whoa. You sound like a late-night DJ.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Is your name really Bennett Moon?

MOON: Yeah. And believe it or not, my parents were not hippies - quite the opposite - law and politics. So I guess I came out with a strange name just to fool all of you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bennett, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. Your job - just fill in that last word or phrase. Or do it two out of three times, and you will win our prize. Ready to do it?

MOON: Yes, sir.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

KURTIS: At each edit and each table read, Seth and Evan would blaze and proceed. Their results were ironic, but the residues chronic. Their old office walls still reek of...

MOON: Weed?

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Weed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Former Sony CEO Amy Pascal - they threw her out of the headquarters. But they gave her a new office and the lot, but she can't move into it because it reeks of pot smoke. Apparently, this is true, the former tenant was Seth Rogen.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And he, as we know, smokes so much weed, when he finally exhales, it looks like there's a new pope.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They're fumigating. But still, she's going to get a contact high. And we're excited for when Sony greenlights the $50 million film, "A Bunch Of Swirling Colors," starring George Clooney and a lava lamp.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Hydroponics are helping my plot. Master Cottontail's here quite a lot. I've found rabbit habits include fresh cannabis. Yes, Peter's addicted to...

MOON: Pot.

SAGAL: Pot.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: And I should say that the Peter mentioned is Peter Cottontail.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Utah is close to becoming the latest state to legalize medical marijuana. But one DEA agent raised the alarm in front of the Utah legislature. He warned them that rabbits might eat the weed. And then what would you have? You'd have a bunch of weed-crazed rabbits running around. They'd run rampant in the state's cornfields and taco orchards.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Bennett, you're really great. Let's see how you do on this one.

MOON: Is the next one - answer, marijuana?

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: How did you know?

GROSZ: Well, let him read the limerick.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: Ben and Jerry mix up - what do you wanna?

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: Their new batch won't make munchies-a-gone-a. The bigger the cone, the more I get stoned. Their ice cream contains...

MOON: Marijuana.

KURTIS: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Ben and Jerry say - of Ben and Jerry's ice cream - that when it's legal to do so, they will try to make some marijuana ice cream, resulting in thousands of people simultaneously getting and curing ice cream headaches.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Of course, they're going to need to make it a special no-melt formula for the 98% of consumers who will accidentally put it back in the cabinet instead of the freezer.

(LAUGHTER)

CHARLIE PIERCE: And they've already got Cherry Garcia.

SAGAL: That's true.

PIERCE: I mean...

SAGAL: Not to mention Wavy Gravy. So, Bill, how did Bennett do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Oh, man, she is really cool.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: She got all three.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Congratulations, Bennett. Thank you so much for playing.

MOON: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: When we ask you about your favorite moments from the last 10 years, many of you mentioned the show from January 2017, when a Hollywood actor filled in for Peter.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I have learned to live with it.

KURTIS: Here's some of Tom Hanks you've never heard before. When - after our taping, he had to retake some of the lines he had messed up the first time, and he had some strong feelings about that.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED NPR BROADCAST)

TOM HANKS: This is NPR.

KURTIS: Very good.

SALIE: Woo, Tom Hanks.

HANKS: All right, now how many have been to this cuckoo - cuckoo show before? (Unintelligible). So you know that the retakes come now? Now, back when I was doing a little show called "Bosom Buddies"...

(LAUGHTER)

HANKS: ...We had - you know, they say "Bosom Buddies" was taped in front of a live audience, which was true. We had people there, had to sit there for hours and hours. And when we would do retakes, the executive producer would come out and just say things that were so silly.

All right, ladies and gentlemen. The way we have to do now - we are going to do retakes. We're going to do the same scene that we just did. We're going to see it all over again. We're going to shoot it from different angles. Sometimes we have to do this because a line was fluff or the shot wasn't right or some other post-production problem's going to be too expensive for us to take. But here's where you get to be the actor, as well. Here's where you get to join in and be part of "Bosom Buddies." Here's where you get to be part of our show. We can't do without you. So if you can, forget everything you've heard, everything you see. Just get ready to laugh uproarious like it's the first time you've heard it.

(LAUGHTER)

HANKS: So that's what we're going to do next. Isn't that right, Bill Kurtis?

KURTIS: (Laughter) That's it.

HANKS: These are the retakes. Is that what they're called?

KURTIS: These are the retakes.

HANKS: The retakes of...

KURTIS: All we need to do is get them.

HANKS: I just want to - I just - protest, Peter Sagal said nothing to me about retakes.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: You might want to...

SALIE: Well, that's because Peter never has to do them, Tom.

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #1: That is actually true.

POUNDSTONE: That's not true.

KURTIS: That's not true.

HANKS: Well...

(LAUGHTER)

HANKS: These are all me. I'm so embarrassed.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: It's just 13 pages.

HANKS: Are you going to tell me...

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: A lucky number.

HANKS: After all of that blah, blah, blah from Manny, Moe and Jack over here, they have nothing that they have to resay?

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, but us, they can just cut out. It doesn't matter. But the host has to have all the - you...

HANKS: Oh, of course.

POUNDSTONE: The burden of the show falls to you, Tom.

HANKS: What you're saying is they dare not cut me out. Is that what you're saying?

POUNDSTONE: Exactly right, yeah.

HANKS: Whereas you - well, they were expendable, ladies and gentlemen.

BURBANK: Way to spin it.

HANKS: Yeah, thank you.

(LAUGHTER)

HANKS: Here we go. Luke, according to a new study in the Journal of Public Economics, Republicans are more likely than Democrats to be what?

BURBANK: This is amazing. You're, like, taking me there.

POUNDSTONE: I know.

(LAUGHTER)

HANKS: I know. it's just - it is.

SALIE: You're so much more committed than Peter ever was.

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #1: Is there a Golden Globe for this?

HANKS: No.

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #1: Should be.

HANKS: There's not. There's nothing for this.

(LAUGHTER)

HANKS: Big, fat sack of nothing.

(LAUGHTER)

HANKS: No, there is. I'm going to have an ocean of people coming up, say hey, I heard you on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME. Why did you do that?

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND IN ME")

RANDY NEWMAN: (Singing) You've got a friend in me...

SAGAL: Finally, my personal favorite interview of the entire decade. And it wasn't just because it was with Stephen Colbert during a show in New York in February of 2017. No, it was because Stephen was a last-minute, very generous substitute for another guest who had cancelled on us. And Stephen insisted that we ask him the questions we had prepared for the original guest...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...So he could guess who it was.

(SOUNDBITE ARCHIVED NPR BROADCAST)

SAGAL: So these are the questions that our researchers and myself had prepared.

STEPHEN COLBERT: And then at the end of the thing, I guess who it is.

SAGAL: Yes, your job is to guess who it is.

ROCCA: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

SAGAL: He's very excited.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So here we go - well, you've done so much movies, TV shows, your book. But here's the big question, what's it like being on Taylor Swift's squad?

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

COLBERT: A, it's an honor.

(LAUGHTER)

COLBERT: B, it's a challenge...

SAGAL: Sure.

(LAUGHTER)

COLBERT: ...Because you always have to be on your toes. It's me, Julie Andrews...

(LAUGHTER)

COLBERT: ...All the greats, all the greats. You have to keep secrets.

SAGAL: Yeah, of course.

COLBERT: You have to keep your secrets because, you know, she always wears those high-waisted skirts...

SAGAL: Yes.

COLBERT: ...So you can't see her navel.

SAGAL: No.

COLBERT: And the secret - well, there's secrets we can't tell about that. And I can tell you guys because you aren't going tell anybody, right?

SAGAL: No.

SALIE: No.

COLBERT: Her navel has teeth in it. It has little teeth in it.

(LAUGHTER)

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #2: And the navel...

COLBERT: Bellybutton dentata.

(CROSSTALK)

COLBERT: Yeah, her - it has these little sharp teeth in it. And the navel actually - the bellybutton writes all the songs, actually.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now, here's the next question we had prepared. A lot of people a comment about how much you appear naked...

COLBERT: Naked.

SAGAL: ...On your show. And we were wondering, you know, if...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...That's something that you feel...

COLBERT: Yes.

SAGAL: ...Is important to get some kind of message across to America.

COLBERT: I love my body.

SAGAL: Yes.

COLBERT: And I...

SALIE: Yeah, you do.

COLBERT: I love my body.

SALIE: Yeah.

COLBERT: And it's possible I wrote a book about it.

SAGAL: Did you write a book about that?

COLBERT: Evidently not.

SAGAL: OK.

(LAUGHTER)

COLBERT: I often appear naked on my show.

SAGAL: You do.

(LAUGHTER)

COLBERT: I often appear naked on my show.

SAGAL: Now, wait a second. We should tell Stephen, this is the one question we were going to ask him anyway...

SAGAL: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Just to be fair.

SAGAL: I'm going to ask you one last question. This is...

ROCCA: Uh-oh.

COLBERT: Only one more.

SAGAL: Is it weird to have all that awkward sex on camera with Adam Driver?

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Because I know that we're making it sound that way.

COLBERT: First of all, it's not weird.

(LAUGHTER)

COLBERT: It's not where Adam's...

SAGAL: He's very professional.

COLBERT: He's a professional. He's a gentleman.

SAGAL: Yeah.

COLBERT: I will say the sex is real...

(LAUGHTER)

COLBERT: ...Because I'm all about keeping it real.

SAGAL: Yeah.

COLBERT: And that's why - I mean, as I stand here today...

SAGAL: Yeah.

COLBERT: OK. As sure as my name is Lena Dunham, what I want to say to you...

(APPLAUSE, LAUGHTER)

COLBERT: ...Is that I will continue. Any day of the week - you name the day, you name the place. I will continue to have sex with Adam Driver, whether or not the show continues.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now that you have solved the mystery, let's talk to you about you. How are you doing these days? How are you? How...

COLBERT: I am so not as interesting as this game (unintelligible).

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Because you were so good at being the character Stephen Colbert for so long, did it - was it difficult for you at first on CBS "Late Night" to be yourself on TV? Did you have to figure out who that was, how to do that?

COLBERT: A little bit. You know, I wasn't sure how much my character and I felt the same way about things.

SAGAL: Yeah.

COLBERT: You know, we're both, you know, huge "Lord Of The Rings" freaks.

SAGAL: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

COLBERT: And we're both, like, Catholics. But one thing that - my wife, as the character, was named Lorraine, and we had a terrible relationship.

SAGAL: Right.

COLBERT: But my wife in real life is named Evie, and we have a great relationship.

SAGAL: Yeah, I've met her, lovely woman.

COLBERT: So one of the ways I started on the old show of really - on the new show - one of the ways I started on the new show knowing I was me and not the guy was that, for the first couple of months, I would beg my wife - could you just come sit in, like, the fifth row so I can look at you every night? I go, OK, I'm the guy married to her.

SAGAL: Right.

COLBERT: And so that helped a lot. And other than that, it was - I wasn't sure how much...

(APPLAUSE)

COLBERT: You realize I said that because Valentine's Day is on Tuesday?

SAGAL: I understand that. Do you ever think about what your old character would think of our new president? What he might say?

COLBERT: (As Fictionalized Stephen Colbert) You know what I think? He's a strong president. We got to stand behind this guy is what I think.

SAGAL: Yeah.

COLBERT: (As Fictionalized Stephen Colbert) OK? All right. Get in line, all right? What part of all caps don't you understand?

(LAUGHTER)

COLBERT: Sorry. I was just...

SAGAL: That was scary...

COLBERT: I was just possessed.

GLYNN WASHINGTON: I felt it, too.

SAGAL: ...The transformation.

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #2: Possibly.

GROSZ: It's very possible.

SAGAL: Stephen, we know that the president watches "Saturday Night Live" because he tweets about it. He doesn't like it, but he keeps watching it. You do a lot of material about the president. Do you have any indication that he's watching you?

COLBERT: I don't know. No, he hasn't said - he hasn't said jack.

SAGAL: Right.

COLBERT: He hasn't said jack about me.

SAGAL: Do you feel bad about that? Do you wish he was watching you, so you could speak directly to him as they do on "SNL?"

COLBERT: I don't care.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: That's it for our look back at the 2010s as seen by WAIT WAIT.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

SAGAL: Thanks to Bill Kurtis, all our panelists, all of the guests you heard this week. And thanks to all of you for listening for the whole decade. I'm Peter Sagal. We will see you next week.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: This is NPR. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.