I Should Buy A Boat

May 22, 2020

Finally, cats and the internet come together. Nico Santos (Superstore) and Zeke Smith (Survivor) play a music parody game where songs about felines are rewritten to be about the most-Googled search terms of 2019. "Meow" is an acceptable answer, by the way.

Heard on: Hong Chau & Nico Santos: Superheros And Superstores.

Copyright 2020 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Our next two contestants are a couple in quarantine. Nico Santos from NBC's "Superstore" and two-time "Survivor" contestant Zeke Smith. Nico, Zeke, welcome to ASK ME ANOTHER.

ZEKE SMITH: Hi.

NICO SANTOS: Hi.

EISENBERG: How is your quarantine going?

SANTOS: I think it's going pretty well, actually.

SMITH: Yeah.

SANTOS: We've only had a couple of fights, which actually, to me...

SMITH: I feel like they were just miscommunications that led to slightly spirited disagreements.

SANTOS: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: So, Nico, you were in the middle of shooting "Superstore" when all of this happened, right?

SANTOS: Yeah, we were - we had only one episode left to film, and then we had to shut down production.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

SMITH: We went up to Burbank, and we cleaned out his trailer, and we took the toilet paper with us.

(LAUGHTER)

SANTOS: We sure did.

SMITH: We did, like, walk around the "Superstore" set seeing if we could find toilet paper...

SANTOS: Actual toilet paper.

SMITH: ...And paper towels.

SANTOS: And mysteriously, all the toilet paper on set disappeared.

JONATHAN COULTON, BYLINE: Really? Isn't that interesting?

SANTOS: It did. Yeah. Before any of us got to it, somebody else got to it.

COULTON: Well, I mean, you could also say that you have some really great set designers who are concerned about accuracy.

EISENBERG: That's right.

COULTON: And they knew that the "Superstore" set is going to be out of toilet paper, so let's get rid of all the toilet - take it off the...

SANTOS: That is the one great thing about working on a show set in a superstore is that anything I wanted, I could just ask for. When I first moved into my apartment - this was before I was dating Zeke - I needed a lot of new stuff for my apartment, and I just sort of went around the set and was like that espresso machine, do we have extras?

(LAUGHTER)

SANTOS: What about that Vitamix? Is there another Vitamix in the back?

COULTON: You went shopping...

SANTOS: Put it in my trailer, please.

COULTON: You went shopping on the set of your TV show?

SANTOS: I mean...

EISENBERG: That's amazing. Why not?

SANTOS: If you can't take advantage of the perks of this job after hustling for 15 years in this business, you know.

COULTON: That's right.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: OK. We have a couple great games. Are you guys ready for some games?

SANTOS: Yeah.

SMITH: Yes.

EISENBERG: Great. So you're going to be competing against each other in this first one. It's a music parody game that combines kitty cats and the Internet.

SMITH: OK.

EISENBERG: I know. Did you know that those were two separate things? Probably not. I didn't. I just found out.

(LAUGHTER)

SANTOS: You learn something new every day.

COULTON: (Laughter) So we all know the Internet loves cats, so what we did is we took songs that are cat-related and rewrote them to be about search terms that were among the most Googled in 2019. So you just tell me the 2019 thing I'm singing about and/or the original song title and the artist who made it famous. And if you don't know the answer, I will also give you a point if you just say meow in a realistically catlike fashion.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: OK. This one is for Zeke. (Singing) Rising up post-World War II - gained this huge generation. Now they're older, and they're richer than you. You dismiss them with a simple OK.

SMITH: Oh, "Eye Of The Tiger." And it's boomer. The term...

COULTON: Yeah.

SMITH: ...For the search is boomer.

COULTON: That's correct - both correct.

EISENBERG: OK. First of all, we're all clear that the only people Googling boomer are boomers, right?

SANTOS: Yeah.

SMITH: Well, I will put an asterisk to that because I'm a dedicated fan of the University of Oklahoma, and our cheer is "Boomer Sooner."

EISENBERG: Oh.

SMITH: And we will often just say, like, boomer to each other as a way to - you know, it's sort of a call and response, like, boomer, sooner. So...

EISENBERG: Yeah.

SMITH: There were boomers before the boomers that we malign today, and my heart is with them a little bit.

EISENBERG: (Laughter).

COULTON: Oh, that's sweet. There's a whole other group of boomers that...

SMITH: Yes.

COULTON: ...You're extremely pro.

SMITH: It's, like, the No. 2 definition, you know, on the...

SANTOS: Yeah.

COULTON: Right.

EISENBERG: (Laughter) That's right.

COULTON: OK. Nico, this one is for you.

SANTOS: OK.

COULTON: (Singing) On a planet, a "Star Wars" planet, the child can be found. Want to buy one? We try to find one, but there are none around.

SANTOS: "A Lion Sleeps Tonight" (ph).

COULTON: That is correct.

SMITH: Baby Yoda.

(LAUGHTER)

SANTOS: The search term is baby Yoda.

COULTON: Yeah, that's correct. Baby Yoda is the other side of it.

SANTOS: Baby Yoda.

COULTON: All right, let's see. Where are we? OK. (Singing) Emmy win, Emmy win was historic. You were euphoric, deserved it all - quoting James Baldwin in a large hat and sparkly clothes. "Kinky Boots," "Kinky Boots," that was you - Grammy, too. Now you're the emcee on "Pose."

SMITH: Billy Porter.

COULTON: Yes, correct.

SMITH: And I don't know the song. Do you know the song?

SANTOS: Meow.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Very close. Very close. I'll have to give you the point.

COULTON: Thank you for taking us up on that offer.

EISENBERG: I'll have to give you the point.

COULTON: But that was "What's New Pussycat?"...

NICO SANTOS AND ZEKE SMITH: Oh.

COULTON: ...As made famous by Tom Jones.

SANTOS: Billy is so nice to us when we see him at LA events.

SMITH: He's the best.

COULTON: Oh, really?

SANTOS: He always makes time and is like, hello, boys. You look great. Things are fabulous. Everything is awesome. All right, I'm done speaking with you now. Please walk away.

(LAUGHTER)

SANTOS: He does. He, like, lets you know when the interaction has ended.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

COULTON: That's fantastic. Clarity - I appreciate that.

EISENBERG: (Laughter).

COULTON: All right. This is your last clue. Nico, it's for you. (Singing) Got the commissioner's trophy - D.C. making franchise history 'cause we're the world champions with fans singing "Baby Shark."

SANTOS: I mean, it's "Roar" by Katy Perry.

COULTON: That is correct.

SANTOS: Is this a sports thing?

COULTON: It is a sports thing. Yes, it is a sports thing. I know.

SANTOS: OK. Zeke, just...

SMITH: The Kansas City Chiefs?

COULTON: Oh, no. I'm sorry. It is actually the Washington Nationals.

SANTOS AND SMITH: Ah.

COULTON: 2019 World Series baseball champs.

SANTOS: OK. Well, I definitely wouldn't have gotten that clue. I'm surprised that Zeke got it.

SMITH: Well, I don't follow professional baseball that closely these days.

SANTOS: He is following Korean baseball.

SMITH: I am following Korean baseball...

EISENBERG: Oh.

SMITH: ...Because it's the only sports that we have.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

COULTON: (Laughter).

SANTOS: I have a question. Does Bryce Harper still play for the Washington Nationals?

COULTON: Oh, I don't know the answer to that question. I don't follow sports either. I'm just...

SANTOS: Well...

COULTON: ...Reading a thing off a piece of paper.

SMITH: (Laughter) We don't know.

SANTOS: Google him. Bryce Harper - very handsome guy, was on the cover of Men's Health at, like, 19 because he was this, like, out-of-high-school baseball phenom.

COULTON: Oh, wow.

SANTOS: I had that copy of Men's Health for many years.

(LAUGHTER)

SANTOS: And the only thing I know about the Washington Nationals is that their logo looks like Walgreens.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: That's right.

SANTOS: See; I know sports.

EISENBERG: Yeah. There you go.

SANTOS: I totally know sports.

COULTON: (Laughter).

EISENBERG: OK. You guys did great. You did fantastic. I would say win, win and win.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.